A New Approach

What do you do when the things and people you hold most dear fall away? How do you "do life" when the things that brought you to where you are have been stripped from you? Where do you find peace if you continually find your face in the sand and your life in the eye of the storm? Where do you being again?

These are the questions that have plagued me night and day for over a month now. Through it all I have been determined to seek Christ and find peace in His presence. I know this isn't how everyone deals with life, and honestly, though I gave my life to Christ years ago, I'm just now learning this way of living. Learning to fully let go of things...everything, instead of holding tight while trying to convince God my way is right. Adopting a "come what may" approach when looking down the barrel at the coming storm and a "God know's what He's doing" mentality when trying to pick my tattered and weary body up off the ground.

I am not Job. I haven't lost everything/everyone I've ever loved, cared about or worked for, though sometimes its feels that way. I remind myself that I have a roof over my head, I am safe, healthy, clothed and fed. I have some close friends and family that provide comfort, encouragement and a shoulder to cry on or a listening ear. I do not know true suffering. I've been to places of extreme suffering and my current life is not one of them. I know there are people experiencing hardship, enduring torture, living in extreme poverty. I am one of the fortunate ones and I thank God daily for His provision in my life. And though I honestly have nothing to complain about, I realize that it's ok to feel beaten down by my current circumstances. It's ok to mourn the losses I've experienced, even if they are trivial in comparison to somebody else's.

We each go through life with our own set of hopes and dreams. We're given tools, strengths and passions that help us in the pursuit of those aspirations. We have weaknesses too though, and outside forces (like the other 7.125 billion people on earth) that can prevent us from (or re-route us to) reaching those goals.

The true test of our character is how we respond to those detours or "bridge out ahead" signs. How well do we pick ourselves up, dust off our knees, take a deep breath and begin again. Many times in life I've thrown my hands in the air and said, "I can't handle this!" to anyone and no one. I've thrown a fit and kicked and screamed and refused to get up. Then I learned that I can only control how I act and react to people and things. When I walk into a conversation desiring the other person to respond in a certain way I end up becoming more frustrated and angry.

My new approach is to only enter into these hard conversations when I can walk into them and honestly desire to simply share my feelings. Whether that be admitting and acknowledging where I've done wrong or caused hurt; or expressing the hurt I've felt. I simply cannot expect others to react how I desire and stepping into situations where my happiness or contentment relies on specific responses from them is only setting myself up for failure and additional hurt.

Only with God's guidance am I able to walk on the side of grace, mercy and forgiveness instead of anger, resentment and bitterness.