Highlight Reels and Real Life

Social media is great. 

We can re-connect with long lost friends and relatives, connect for the first time with people who we share common interests and hobbies, it allows us to keep up with loved ones living across the country or world with pictures and videos. All great things!

Social media is great...

Until it's not.

It's so easy to paint our lives into something they're not. We readily engage in bullying debates that we'd never dream about taking part in face to face. Social media platforms allow us to stand on our thrones soapboxes and yell our views at the world while simultaneously posting photos and posts about our carefully edited perfect lives.

I'm guilty of this too. As much as I try to be completely real and authentic 100% of the time, I don't post photos where I look really bad...kinda bad-- sure-those go up all the time...but really bad? Those get left on the cutting room floor. I don't post the meals I make that are thrown together, but I definitely post about the gourmet meals I prepare and parties I throw. When I have a blemish, I don't photograph that side of my face because I'd really rather everyone think my skin is perfect...it's not, btw.

Over the years my friends have scolded me about posting things like:

full tummy pics:

After a large breakfast at Glenn's Diner in Chicago, circa 2008

I'm not a lady when I eat pics:

A Chicago Dog at Navy Pier

The funny faces I make:

Reenacting the Great Malted Milk Ball Incident from childhood

Not entirely sure what this is about but it was
apparently FB worthy...

I do a lot of reenacting...this from Bridesmaids while at
brunch with my sister... 

My beautiful E...and then there's me.
Even in formalwear I can't keep it together...

What if...we stopped comparing our real life moments with the everyone else's highlight reels we see on social media? What if instead of posting only our shinning moments, we were also vulnerable and honest...could you imagine how much we'd all benefit from things like...

* I ate half a pan of brownies tonight but that doesn't mean I've given up on my healthy lifestyle but I've definitely given up on today...

* Emergency run to the store for (Eggs/diapers/formula/beer...whatever it happens to be) and wearing stained/dirty/smelly shirt because it's the first thing I grabbed on my way out the door...

* Feeding my family this box of cereal tonight for dinner...because crunch berries are fruit, right?

* I lost my patience today and was kinda rude to everyone...that's my bad.

* ...Pic of something altogether underwhelming but is a completely normal part of life...

And...What if we didn't judge people when they post honestly? What if we encouraged one another. Period. What if we went back to what our mom's taught us...and if we don't have anything nice to say we just don't say anything at all?  

How about before we speak we ask ourselves:

Is it true?
Is it necessary?
Is it kind?

And if it's not, what if we just keep scrolling?

I'm betting it would change the world.

Preventing Hanger

One of my non-negotiables is food. More specifically, healthy, nutritious, filling foods at regular intervals.

I get hangry. Really, really hangry. I'll be fine one second and absolutely insane with hunger the next. I usually carry snacks and the people I spend most of my time with become experts at gauging my hunger and preventing the worst of it from happening...eyes glazing over, color draining from my face, everything gets muffled sounding, and I break out in a cold sweat, quickly followed by the sudden inability to deal with anything at all.  It's an all out meltdown, 2year old style...not pretty...


Over the years I've learned ways to prevent such occurrences...namely, eating 80/20 paleo and not skipping meals or snacks...like, ever.

I NEED these pillows!

Eating healthy takes some planning, but luckily I'm a super type-A personality and planning is my favorite thing to do! I use this handy little weekly menu planner/grocery list. 

Here is how I fill it out:

* Each family member is assigned a specific color and their activities are written in that color.
* After the week's events are written on each day I access which day will need fast (crockpot or leftovers) meals and which days I'll have more time to cook.
* I assign each day a full meal (entree, veggie, any additional sides) 
* Use the "Shopping List" portion to 
   1) On the left: write down the things (and amounts) I KNOW we'll need to buy
   2) On the right: write down things I'll need to check the pantry and fridge for before shopping

It was especially handy when I nannied my 3 girls in Chicago, everyone had different sports/music/tutoring schedules, needed different things on different days and this really helped to keep all of us organized. 

So...what's on the schedule this week...

Monday: Mom and Kurt met up with little brother Josh and amazing fiancee Jillian at my work
Tuesday: Pumpkin Waffles with baked sweet potato and apple compote
Wednesday: Zucchini Lasagne with salad and homemade dressing (ranch or balsamic)
Thursday: Pan seared scallops with broccoli
Friday: Cumin spiced chicken and sweet potatoes
Saturday: Taco salad.

To be honest...there is usually a carb involved. Mom and I eat mostly paleo but we don't force it on Kurt. Sure, he's learned to eat lettuce wraps and cauliflower rice but he still uses a tortilla or wants some bread on occasion. 

I'll work on posting the recipes this week and let you know how they all turned out, Wed-Fri are new recipes from a cookbook I've never used...we'll see how it goes! 

Gonna Make A Change

So, what am I going to do about this stress issue? How will I change my daily life so once a year my hair doesn't fall out by the handful or my immune system doesn't completely shutdown on me?

First on the list is giving it to God. 

I used to live this life where I handed things over to Christ when I felt stressed or realized I was trying to control things that I shouldn't.  Sure, I have broad shoulders-thanks to my years of swimming, but they are not meant to carry the weight of the world, which is what I usually ask them to do. Time to go back to living like that. Not sure how I got away from it, but it has not been serving me well.

"Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. "Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS.…Matthew 11:28-29

Second, I'm putting down roots.

I don't know the last time I lived somewhere knowing that's where I was planning on being even just 12 months later. When I moved to Chicago 8 years ago, I believed I'd be there for one year. I thought I'd meet Pin Stripe Suit Man...you know, the tall, dark and handsome, wildly successfully business man who would sweep me off my feet, marry me and move us back home--to my home, in Washington where we'd have kids and live happily ever after. 

Yeah...well, that didn't happen.

Each year I lived there, I'd say, "ok, Lins, you're still here, no problem, it's cool, but you aren't going to be here forever." So, I never put down roots. I never settled in. The apartment I came to love still felt more like a holding pen than a home.


When I left Chicago 15 months ago, I definitely didn't put down roots. I spent 3 months in Arkansas, most of which I traveled, including a week in Haiti. I then moved back home
to Washington and told myself, and anyone who would listen, that I wasn't staying long. I got a job, found a church and made friends, but never planned on staying. So, after 9 months, I moved to California. 

Well, 3 months later, I'm back home. At mom's. Sleeping in my high school bedroom in the basement. 

But this time is different. I plan on staying. Not in mom's basement, but in Washington. I'm telling myself that this time is different. I don't need to scramble to see everyone ever single week. There's plenty of time, because I'm going to be here long-term. Getting plugged in at church and with volunteer opportunities is top priority because...I'm going to be here. Working on figuring out a career instead of just getting by week to week is a necessity. 

Instead of treading water and trying to figure out what's next, I'm going to try settling in, getting comfy and relaxing a little. I'm here to stay...

Being Chased By A Bear

A year ago I went to the doctor because my hair was falling out by the handful. I was losing weight, my skin hurt to touch and I was having trouble sleeping. I was convinced I'd picked something up while in Haiti or was suffering from some sort of hormone imbalance. She checked my thyroid, ran a ton of tests and guess what? There was nothing medically wrong with me.

I was told it was stress.

Turns out your body has no way of differentiating between a physical threat, like being chased by a bear, and an internal threat...stress. 

Fast forward one year, and stress has taken it's toll again...I'm suffering from a horrible case of strep throat, with tonsillitis and the inside of my mouth and throat are covered in fever blisters. Doctor said it's all stress related. Lack of sleep, compromised immune system, emotional overload...the body can only take so much before it rebels. 

How am I going to stop this from happening again? Good question...I have a couple ideas, but first, I gotta get healthy.

Today Is A New Day

I've always been active, but a year ago I decided to finally take my health seriously. Instead of just looking healthy, I wanted to BE healthy. 

See...Food has always been a serious problem for me. My relationship with it has had me cast as the victim and Food as the controlling master. Binge eating has been a common theme in my life and the mental and emotional toll it took severely outweighed the physical impacts. I know this isn't everyone's experience, but it's mine.

Often, people don't take me seriously when I say I have food issues. They look at me and say, you're a healthy weight so it can't be that bad. Well, it is. It's sometimes hard to deal with things if everyone around you is telling you "it's not that bad." I had to realize that it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks or says, I KNOW it's an issue for me so I have to be committed to working on it.

When I moved to Washington last September, I couldn't afford to join a Cross-fit box so I bought some DVDs and joined an online accountability group. I ended up loving the workouts (Focus T25) but never would have remained consistent without the support of the group. They shared their experiences, encouraged me when I felt down (or had just eaten an entire pan of brownies) they celebrated successes, big and small, with me, and became a vital part of my health and fitness journey.

Fast-forward one year, and several workout programs later (21 Day Fix, 21DFX, a tip-toe into InsanityMax30) these women are still supporting me, encouraging me and have welcomed me into their ranks with open arms. With the support of these women, my determination to no longer let food control me, the help of Shakeology (seriously, it's amazing and I credit it with most of my success ending the binges) I'm much happier and healthier. 

So, that's why I decided to do this. To make helping others my job. Today, I'm rolling out a brand-spankin' new FB page...Linsey Collier: Wholly Healthy. For me, health is about the whole person. It's not a quick fix or surface level. I'm so much more than just a healthy eater or someone who likes to workout...I'm a book-lover, travel nut, and woman of faith...we all are multi-dimensional and without recognizing the whole of who we are, and tending to it, we'll never make the changes we desire.

Join me in being Wholly Healthy.

The 15 Year Temper Tantrum

I have a bad attitude. 


Growing up I hated kids and figured I'd be some sort of career woman with long hours, fancy clothes, big paychecks and a trophy husband waiting for me at the door when I got home.

Then, my world changed.

I signed up to be an AmeriCorps volunteer when I was 20. I moved to Denver with 2 friends and worked in a low-income daycare. Yes, I know, I just said I hated kids but I signed up to work in a daycare...I didn't get it either.

Anyway, the placed me in the preschool room and after about a week I was in love with too many 3 year olds to count. Romeo, yes that's the kid's real name, was my favorite. He was polite, kind, funny and oh so sweet. He also was super cute. Jose is still the only 3 year old I've ever known to wear boxers, a thin gold chain and cologne. Jovianni threw up in my hands...they teach you to never try to catch vomit in your hand-you know, disease, virus, ext. spread through bodily fluids...plus, it's just gross. Well, he told me he was going to be sick and as I carried him to the bathroom, I held out my free hand and let him throw up into it. I knew then that I'd never be the same.

A few weeks later I was asked to fill in during lunch breaks in the infant room. I fell in love. The way these babes changed me, I will never fully understand. I knew then, that I was MADE to be a mom. That was the reason I was born. I was meant to care for and protect children. I still didn't believe in God at this time, but I KNEW beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I was CREATED to have babies.

Fast forward 15 years...I don't have kids. I'm not a mom. I've spent the majority of those 15 years with other people's kids. And while I wouldn't change that for the world, I still believe I was made for more. I was made to raise a family of my own. I know with every fiber of my being that God (who I now believe created me) designed me to be a mom.

But I'm not a mom. I don't have kids to raise. What am I supposed to do with this desire that fills my heart? When, if ever, will I be a mom with kids of my own? When will I stop helping other people raise their kids and finally get to raise my own?

I don't have answers to these questions, I know that only God does.

For the past 15 years I've been set on raising my own family. Being a wife and mom. I want nothing more than to get married and start a family. It just hasn't happened. But instead of finding another passion, another way to honor God, I've been throwing a fit. A huge, 15 year long temper tantrum. I'm not getting my way and instead of moving on, I keep going back to this:

I know you created me to be a mom.
I'm not a mom.
I don't understand why you're withholding this from me.
I'm mad.
I'm going to stand here and hold my breath until I get what I want.

So, instead of investing in some other career, or hobby, or interest, I've been stagnant, frozen with anger and confusion. Not using my time wisely. Not giving in to God's plan but standing firm in my own selfish ideas of how my life should be.

Until I change this attitude, nothing is going to sound interesting. I'll probably continue to dismiss any new possibilities that come my way, and I'll miss out on more amazing things.

It's time for an attitude adjustment. 

The Fight From Within

Why are we so hard on ourselves? 

If you listen to almost anyone speak, you'll hear the most hurtful, negative things come out of their mouth when they're talking about themselves. Women are especially great at this. Several years ago one of my girlfriends told me she didn't want to hear any negative self-talk. I was like, ok no problem. But then I realized that close to half of the stuff that came out of my mouth was actually bashing myself in some way.

Since then I've adopted this mentality, and though I'm not perfect (just a fact) I have gotten much better about stopping harmful speak before it comes out of my mouth.

I hear everything I say and I'm with myself more than anyone else...if I have nothing good to say about myself why would anyone else? If I can't find a reason to love myself, how will anyone else? If I can't eliminate hate speech (because, face it ladies, that's essentially what it is) about myself, will I begin accepting it when others say it to me? If I wouldn't say those words to my sister or friend, why would I think it's ok to say them to myself?

There's enough pressure coming from the outside that we don't need it coming from within too. And as women, we should be cheering on one another, raising each other up instead of bashing and pushing others down.  A few things I've learned that have helped with this:

1. Not everyone has the same goals. My goals at the moment might have me going in a very different direction than your goals have you going. This moment in time will not look the same for everyone. And that's ok.

2. Not everyone wants to look the same. As in: some people want to have a 6 pack, others truly don't. Some think "waif thin" is the way to go and others are all about that bass. 

3. If I am doing what is healthy for me, good job! But that doesn't mean it's what's right for everyone. And I'm happy you decided to be vegan, glad that's making you happy, but I'm going to continue eating bacon until it kills me (because you just told me it will, but I don't care) and that's ok too.

4. Looks can be deceiving. The old saying, "Don't judge a book by it's cover" has stuck around for a reason--it's TRUE! Everyone has demons, everyone has hang up, challenges, struggles...just because they only put their "best self" on social media doesn't mean their life is actually perfect.

5. Nobody knows what's right for me, except me. Sure, there are a lot of people out there who know a lot more about a lot of things than I do but when it comes right down to it, what I end up doing is my choice. And the same goes for you.

6. I wouldn't spend my day, or any portion of it, with someone who continuously told me I was ugly, fat, had gross hair, getting wrinkles, wasn't smart or funny enough, was a loser and quitter, couldn't measure up, etc, etc. Why do we spend all day with this exact loop running through our heads?

It's not ok.

When you can stop that loop of nonsense, and begin to truly love yourself for the person you were created to be, you'll see that loving others becomes a lot easier. 

Stirring The Pot

Clearly God is stirring something up in me. And I'm ok with that, but that doesn't mean it's easy. I'm acutely aware of where I've fallen short...

This song brings tears to my eyes every time I hear it.

Just the first few lines even...just so honest, raw and vulnerable.

I am guilty
Ashamed of what I've done, of what I've become
These hands are dirty
I dare not lift them up to the Holy One.

Who hasn't felt like that at some point? It is exactly how I've been feeling. I know that Jesus loves me and accepts me no matter what I do. But it's hard to face Him when you know you've been walking your own path...big or small steps away are still steps in the wrong direction.

How can it be Lord? That you would give your life for mine? You would die that I may live...I don't understand it. I can't fathom that much love. That's why You are God and I am not.


Are you kidding me with all you've done for me? How lucky am I to have a God that loves me this much? Who bought me with His blood...blood, folks...that's the highest price there is. 

In life, one of my biggest fears is letting people down, I just hate how that feels. And to feel like I've let God down brings an aching to my heart that I just can't explain.

I've been hiding
Afraid I've let you down
Inside I doubt
That you still love me
But in Your eyes there's only
Grace now 

Luckily, Jesus is a far better Savior than I am a sinner...

 

A Little Bit...

When I was growing up I heard this saying over and over again... a little bit goes a long way. I never really understood that because I'm a "some is good, more is better. Even more is even better" type of person.

But I'm learning that a little bit is ok. Sometimes, even beneficial. I've learned that I CAN eat a whole pack of Oreos, but that doesn't mean I should...because I felt really sick afterwords. It's really hard for me, but in the case of Oreos, a little bit* is enough. Exercise is another thing that is not beneficial in excess...your body needs rest, recovery time and love, I learned that I can't push myself hours a day, every single day for weeks on end. That's just not healthy for me.

On Monday I was reminded that a little bit does in fact go a long way. In the midst of this season of upheaval, change, unknown, adventure, whatever you want to call it, I've been seeking something to call my own, something that connects me to this place and gives me a purpose. I prayed that morning for God to soften my heart to new opportunities, help me find a community here and to show me how I can make Him a bigger part of my daily life.

A woman reached out to me about helping her do some organization in her home and other miscellaneous tasks. What I thought might end up being nothing more than a few afternoons of cleaning out her closets, actually turned into so much more. This woman is a strong Christian, looking for help with home administration, organization and scheduling, as well as help getting her ministry off the ground...a ministry that will be geared towards women's ministry leaders. 

God reminded me in no time flat that with a little bit of faith, He can take you a long way. That there doesn't always need to be huge changes to change your perspective. 

*For clarification purposes, when it comes to Oreos, "a little bit" means anything less than half the package.

First

This song.

I heard it every single time I was in the car this past week...didn't matter if I was driving 30 min or just 5...this song played.

It's been stuck in my head.

I wish I could sing like this. Sometimes I feel like my emotions would be so much better conveyed if I could sing. But, I can't...I'll leave it to Ms. Daigle.



I've been going through a lot of change the past year+ and I have been guilty of letting life creep in and take over the places I've long held for God to occupy...the depths of my heart, the forefront of my brain, my first thought when I wake and the last before I fall asleep.

It's time to fall on my knees and approach the throne with a humble heart, willing to be molded into who He created me to be. Instead of trying to make my way through this world with my own strength, I need to lean, once again, upon Him who is able to do immeasurably more than I could ask or imagine. Giving Him glory, honor and praise.

To seek Him first. More than anything I want, I want You first.

The Brain Storm

It's been a long and interesting week...my brain is a little scattered, there's all sorts of stuff swirling around in there and usually when I can't find the words to express what's going on inside my noggin, I turn to Pinterest...here are a few of this weeks finds...in no particular order:

I'm Doing My Best

If you've ever spent 10 minutes in conversation with me, you know that I'm a SUPER over-thinking, self-reflective, analytical yet super emotional kind of person. So, I love journaling. I recently got two new journals (because one clearly isn't enough) and I'm loving them. 

One is a super awesome fitness journal  that is helping me keep track of workouts, plus all the other things that go into being a healthy person...gratitude, inspiration, reflection...this journal has it all. 

The second one is a guided journal that caught my eye because this is the cover:

Each set of pages has a quote of some sort and then says "How I'm working on myself today"  and I write something each morning then check back in before bed to see how I did...did I end up working on myself today? Did I reach the goal I set out for myself in the morning? If not, why? How can I change that for tomorrow? If so, I need to recognize that and celebrate it!

Today's quote was from my dear friend F. Scott Fitzgerald:

In any case you mustn't

confuse a single failure 

with a final defeat.

The truth is, I feel defeated a lot. I strive for perfection and wind up disappointed in myself time and time again. In recent days I've decided to look at life as an adventure, and while it may not turn out like I want/expect, it is part of a bigger picture/plan. Viewing it this way instead of as a masterpiece I must not mess up will enable me to enjoy it (life and the adventure) rather than dread it. That's the hope anyway!

I also decided that I need to answer a few questions about myself...who am I? What do I stand for? What are my goals and what will it take for me to achieve them?

That's kind of a lot at once so I decided to tackle them one at a time...all organizations and companies have mission statements, I think I should too...this is what I've come up with so far:

I am a child of God. He created me out of love, to further His kingdom, extend His love to others, be His hands and feet on earth and to bring Him glory. 

Jesus is my Savior and redeemer of my soul. I look to Him, who has given me Life, as the only perfect example of love, grace, mercy, truth and hope.

I will seek out, and yield to, the Holy Spirit. Where I am led, I will willingly follow as I set myself aside to do the work of God which he determined before time began. 

So...that's a start. Do you have a personal mission statement? If so, I'd love to hear it!

A Broken Shoe

Yesterday I worked 12.5 hours with fussy fat baby. It was Sunday and on Sundays I go to church. Sure, taking someone else's baby to church is different than most Sundays, but still...I was determined.

Well, fussy fat baby was SUPER fussy. But that wasn't going to stop me.
Getting a baby and all required accoutrements together is no small feat. But that wasn't going to stop me.
I thought church was at 10. It was at 1045. That wasn't going to stop me either.
Walking into church my shoe broke. That stopped me.

And there were tears. 

Sometimes you just have to throw your broken shoe in the car and take yourself home...or, in this case, to fat baby's house. 

I know it was just a shoe. But I had overcome so much to just get to the church parking lot...it would have been so much easier to just stay home with the baby and forget about church. But I was set on worshipping Christ today. In that building. With those people. At 1045. But I let a dumb shoe bring me to tears.

Lately, it doesn't take much. There's just been so much change in my life that my compass is spinning and that's hard for me. I know there are people going through actual things in their lives...disease, death, hardships...and for you I will continue to pray. But today, my silly shoe felt like a hardship. 

And to me, it wasn't just a shoe. It was a sign...a sign that no matter what I do it's never enough, that I'm never going to reach my goals, that I'm on the wrong path, etc, etc, etc...

But really, it's just a sign that I've worn out those shoes...

Time to simmer down and right my ship so the compass stops spinning.

And I know I can't do it alone...it's all about Jesus, because if a broken shoe can bring me to tears, I know I can't be trusted with the heavy lifting...

No Stranger Danger Here

I spent most of the day yesterday with a girl I've never actually met before. I drove an hour to get to her house, where when I arrived we embraced like lifelong friends. We spent the next few hours sitting on the couch catching up, discussing all life's joys and struggles over a delicious salad, then chilling at the pool where we dove deeper into the things that have made us the people we are today.

Seriously, this salad was AMAZING...thanks Whitney!

It didn't feel like my first time meeting her. I honestly feel like I've known the girl for years. 

In the past 6 months Whitney has helped me in my pursuit to better health. She's answered every question I've thrown her way and has encouraged me to keep at it, even after setbacks and through bouts of laziness. She's inspired me to view my passion for health and helping others as a career...one where I set the hours and am able to decide how much/far/fast I go. 

She's helped me see past my comfort zone, shatter my fears and jump into a new adventure...for this, I'll be forever grateful!

So, what is it that I'm doing? Well...that's easy. I'm continuing on my health and fitness journey and helping others reach their goals as well...that looks different for everybody so there's not just one clear answer or path. If you'd like more information, want to discuss your goals or would like to be join my private online accountability/encouragement group, let me know! New group starts Monday!

This is what work looks like
when you're a Beachbody coach!

My Sally Field Moment

How I feel when EVERYONE shows up for my 2nd going away party...even though I'll be back (again) in 3 weeks...

Slow and Steady...

I haven't been eating that great and I definitely haven't been exercising. My sleep has also taken a nose-dive since being home. I feel it. I'm irritable. Sluggish. Moody. Anxious. Hot/cold. 

Why do I do this to myself?

Well...I LOVE food. And I LOVE my friends and family. I like to celebrate my friends and family with food.  So, coming home for 10 days means constant and unending reasons to celebrate! 

But it's taking it's toll and it's gotta stop.

Today, I made a delicious orange creamsicle Shakeology and then went for a run. I didn't have my running watch so I had no idea what pace I was running or how far I actually went. But I ran...ok, jogged, for 43 minutes. And it felt marvelous!

I have a plan set in place for when I'm back in Cali next week...I'm starting 21 day fix on July 6th. I'll use the time I'm on planes (WA to TX then TX to CA) to come up with a meal plan and grocery list so I'll be ready for success once Monday hits.

I know better but sometimes it's hard to do better. That's where grace comes in...it's so easy to extend to others, but why is it such a challenge to show myself the same grace I so easily give others? 

Today Is The Day

I'm having a nephew today! 

I can't wait for nephew #2 to arrive later today!

Pics to come.

That is all.

Afraid of Fun

I've recently realized that its really hard for me to have fun. I'm not good at relaxing either. I grew up in a house that was always on edge and very intense. We did things that should have been fun, but more often than not, some sort of event/trauma/drama would occur leading up to said fun event and we'd all just push through with forced smiles. 

Ok, that sounds really harsh. I did have fun with my family growing up. We did fun things and my parents tried to give us as much happiness as they could. That being said...for every ounce of intense, rigid, inflexible, stubborn, black/white that I am...Papa was 100 times more. At points I remember being told to "have fun whether you like it or not" no joke! 


Papa was worried we'd get hurt so we were taught to be scared of things. I know he just wanted to protect me and keep be safe but as an adult, I struggle to just let loose, relax, throw caution to the wind and let my hair down. I desperately want to have fun though and when I'm surrounded by those who so easily throw themselves into things with smiles on their faces, I get jealous. I want to be able to do that too.

There's only one thing to do...practice having fun...because that's what rigid, over-thinking perfectionist, type "A" personalities do...we have solutions to problems and if you aren't good at something then practice is the answer.

This past weekend I took a step out of my comfort zone and crossed something off ye ol' bucket list...I completed a mud run. I've always wanted to but just never have. I was nervous...I've read articles about people slipping under the mud and being trampled to death, and others about people being hospitalized because they accidentally ingested some manure-laden mud. And I was scared...what if I can't do it? What if I can't pull myself up the rope or if I fall when I get to the top? But guess what...I did it! Nobody got hurt, we all had fun and I'm pretty sure I'll be doing it again!

It's funny that I'm so terrible at taking risks and having fun. Almost every one of my close friends are pretty fearless and tend to jump right into anything and everything. I've always envied that about them...well, no more! It's time for change! Little by little I'm going to work at becoming more like them in this way instead of sitting on the sidelines being scared.

Before and after the race!