The Fight From Within

Why are we so hard on ourselves? 

If you listen to almost anyone speak, you'll hear the most hurtful, negative things come out of their mouth when they're talking about themselves. Women are especially great at this. Several years ago one of my girlfriends told me she didn't want to hear any negative self-talk. I was like, ok no problem. But then I realized that close to half of the stuff that came out of my mouth was actually bashing myself in some way.

Since then I've adopted this mentality, and though I'm not perfect (just a fact) I have gotten much better about stopping harmful speak before it comes out of my mouth.

I hear everything I say and I'm with myself more than anyone else...if I have nothing good to say about myself why would anyone else? If I can't find a reason to love myself, how will anyone else? If I can't eliminate hate speech (because, face it ladies, that's essentially what it is) about myself, will I begin accepting it when others say it to me? If I wouldn't say those words to my sister or friend, why would I think it's ok to say them to myself?

There's enough pressure coming from the outside that we don't need it coming from within too. And as women, we should be cheering on one another, raising each other up instead of bashing and pushing others down.  A few things I've learned that have helped with this:

1. Not everyone has the same goals. My goals at the moment might have me going in a very different direction than your goals have you going. This moment in time will not look the same for everyone. And that's ok.

2. Not everyone wants to look the same. As in: some people want to have a 6 pack, others truly don't. Some think "waif thin" is the way to go and others are all about that bass. 

3. If I am doing what is healthy for me, good job! But that doesn't mean it's what's right for everyone. And I'm happy you decided to be vegan, glad that's making you happy, but I'm going to continue eating bacon until it kills me (because you just told me it will, but I don't care) and that's ok too.

4. Looks can be deceiving. The old saying, "Don't judge a book by it's cover" has stuck around for a reason--it's TRUE! Everyone has demons, everyone has hang up, challenges, struggles...just because they only put their "best self" on social media doesn't mean their life is actually perfect.

5. Nobody knows what's right for me, except me. Sure, there are a lot of people out there who know a lot more about a lot of things than I do but when it comes right down to it, what I end up doing is my choice. And the same goes for you.

6. I wouldn't spend my day, or any portion of it, with someone who continuously told me I was ugly, fat, had gross hair, getting wrinkles, wasn't smart or funny enough, was a loser and quitter, couldn't measure up, etc, etc. Why do we spend all day with this exact loop running through our heads?

It's not ok.

When you can stop that loop of nonsense, and begin to truly love yourself for the person you were created to be, you'll see that loving others becomes a lot easier.