The Day The Sky Went Black

Ten years ago this month I found out I was pregnant. My boyfriend at the time, and I were completely shocked but that soon wore off into excited worry. We heard the heartbeat of our little bundle and set off making plans...

That all came crashing down a month later when I found out I had miscarried. 

Ugh, I just hate saying that sentence...I didn't do anything. A miscarriage happened. But the sentence structure seems to imply that I had some control over it...we all know that's not true. Sometimes healthy women who follow all the rules experience miscarriages while sometimes women who inundate their bodies with alcohol and drugs carry to full term. This is something we truly have no control over. 

There was no heartbeat. It was devastating. I went in for a D&C later that week and will never forget the feeling I had when I woke up...

I opened my eyes to see the April sun streaming in through the windows. Just at the edge of my view, a nurse was writing on my chart. Before I even thought about it I said, "Oh, what a beautiful day!" and immediately it hit me...my baby, the baby I didn't plan for, wasn't prepared for, but loved and looked forward to meeting, had been removed from my body. The anguish and despair that washed over me in that moment, I pray I will never feel again. The window that just seconds before was brightly lit, may as well have gone black. My world would never be the same and I wondered if the sun would ever rise again. Tears flooded my eyes and the nurse said even though I wasn't fully ready, she was going to let me leave the recovery area and see my boyfriend. I'm sure she simply didn't know what to say or do.

And the boyfriend, he was a good man, but he didn't know what to say or do either. In the months that followed, he took me on walks; we went on drives around the lake. He sat with me while I cried. He never once told me to get over it; faulted me for being beyond crabby and sensitive; became annoyed with the constant tears, anger, lashing out. He was patient. Kind. Forgiving. He didn't keep a record of the times I was out of line and treated him poorly. He showed me the Love of Christ.

But love truly isn't enough. Love doesn't conquer all. I needed more than that. I needed Jesus.

Read the rest of the story next week...